he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
