Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
