Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Verdict: uncircumcised.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
