I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
