PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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