Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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