i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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