You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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