Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Buhtt sex?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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