the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
