Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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