he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
