I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
