I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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