Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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