I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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