I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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