You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
