i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
