TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
