it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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