I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
NoShamevember. You game?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I want a musical about memes.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
