This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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