I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
