homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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