I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
