Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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