soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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