Moan for me like Helen Keller
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
