You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
