I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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