i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Found your dick twin last night
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
