I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
