My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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