I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
