yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
