Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We got so high we made milksteak
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
