You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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