My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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