I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
