i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
