Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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