i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
