my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
