Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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