I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
