I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
