DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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