No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
