Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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