I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
