my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
