Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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