Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she smelled like a LAN party
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
