i always forget guys have bellybuttons
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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