when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
