i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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