so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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