Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
